When the Lord was
creating peace officers, he was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and
said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around this one". The Lord said,
"Have you read the spec on this order?
A peace officer
has to be able to run five miles through alleys in the dark, scale walls, enter homes the
health inspector wouldn't touch, and not wrinkle his uniform.". "He has to be
able to sit in an undercover car all day on a stakeout, cover a homicide scene that night,
canvass the neighborhood for witnesses, and testify in court the next day". "He
has to be in top physical condition at all times, running on black coffee, and half-eaten
meals, and he has to have six pairs of hands."
The angel shook
her head slowly and said, "six pairs of hands...no way".
"It's not the
hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord, "it's the three pairs of
eyes an officer has to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.
The Lord nodded.
"One pair that sees through a bulge in a pocket before he asks, "May I see
what's in there, sir?" (when he already knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting
job) "Another pair here in the side of his head for his partner's safety. And another
pair of eyes here in the front that can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say,
"You'll be all right ma'am", when he knows it isn't so.
"Lord", said the angel touching his sleeve, "rest and work on this
tomorrow". "I can't", said the Lord, "I already have a model that can
talk a 250 pound drunk into a patrol car without incident and feed a family of five on a
civil service paycheck.".
The angel circled the model of the peace officer very slowly, "can it think?"
she asked. "You bet," said the Lord. "It can tell you the elements of a
hundred crimes, recite Miranda warnings in it's sleep, detain, investigate, search, and
arrest a gang member on the street in less time than it takes five learned judges to
debate the legality of the stop.... and still it keeps a sense of humor". "This
officer also has phenomenal control. He can deal with crime scenes painted in hell, coax a
confession from a child abuser, comfort a murder victim's family, and then read in the
daily paper how law enforcement isn't sensitive to the rights of criminal suspects".
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the peace officer.
"There's a leak", she pronounced. "I told you that you were trying to put
too much into this model".
"That's not a
leak", said the Lord. "It's a tear".
"What's the
tear for?" asked the angel.
"It's for
bottled up emotions, for fallen comrades, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth
called the American flag, for justice".
"You're a
genius", said the angel.
The Lord looked
somber, "I didn't put it there", he said.
